Do you ever feel like a fish out of water? You keep gasping to be put back into the water and you can't get any, so you flop your way to a puddle, find a few moments of calm, and then realize you again need more water? I can relate to that feeling of helplessness & despair. These past two weeks have been rough.
Work, half marathon training, taking care of a house, attempting to close on a rental home, finding time for Neal, finding time for the dogs, finding time for my Lively Happenings Etsy business, and then finally finding time for myself.
Wire, paint, finishing nails, jewelry chains, a sewing machine, and scraps of fabric surrounded me tonight as I sat on the floor in my craft room finishing up one of the many projects I am currently working on. Neal stepped into the doorway, my head barely moving to acknowledge his presence as I said, "What's it like?" He didn't even have to ask what I meant, he knows me so well. He sighed slightly, made a slight chuckle and said, "It's going to be okay." Neal understood that if I had the energy to make a full communication I would have said "What's it like to not have to think about work after work? To not have responsibilities? Obligations?"
Life is a balancing act. One that I am always trying better to perfect. Although, life is ever changing. Your daily demands from friends, family, teachers, and coworkers must be balanced with your own ambitions, needs & desires.
Right now, I would love to be able to make beautiful jewelry & other accessories full time. I'd love to be able to have that dream support my current lifestyle. I'd love to not have to work on a computer for 8-10 hours a day filling in spreadsheets, taking on task after task with nearly immediate deadlines, trying to remedy other's access issues, but I know realistically that doing that work allows me to have the ability right now to support mine & Neal's other dreams. And I accept that, though it's still hard.
I won't give up on our dreams. I will keep pursing them though it's difficult. I know I can do this, and I know I will find that ocean again where I will no longer be gasping for air. I can do this. I will do this.
Question of the day:
What are you doing to read your goals, your dreams, today?