This is the time where many women start to freak out and have anxieties. The initial excitement of pregnancy has passed, your body is changing more and more, and then you realize you actually have to birth this thing and somehow figure out how to be a parent. Within no time, all these thoughts can drive you bonkers! Or at least that's what I read this past week during my Google searches for "freaking out during pregnancy", "crazy emotions during pregnancy", "pregnancy sadness", "pregnancy hormones" and anything else I thought I needed to Google whilst I had another emotional breakdown last Wednesday.
Seriously, I LOVED my first trimester. I wasn't sick, I was in baby awe, I was always happy. My second trimester...I wish it would just move along. Currently, I am completely happy and thrilled about pregnancy, but the highs and lows of this week vary dramatically. I even was chatting with a friend and suddenly burst out something along the lines of "I don't even know if I can do this anymore! I feel like I shouldn't even deserve to have her because I am so terrified of the changes that are happening emotionally, physically, and relational." There were probably a spat of curse words and not quite as choice ways of stating that when I actually said this to my friend, but you get the point.
I was depressed. Highly emotional. Terrified. And all it really took was for her to tell me these kinds of emotions are completely normal! Not every woman may experience them, but many do. I wanted SO DESPERATELY to become pregnant, why now was I wanting out so badly!? It has to do with all the changes happening, and you can't control them. You can't completely control how your body will change, of course you can workout, but that doesn't mean you're gonna look like a Victoria Secret model! I can't control my job situation, I'd love to be full time and have benefits knowing that I'll have a job months to a year after pregnancy, but I'm contracted, I have no say in that situation. I can't control that my husband and I are both set in routines and some weeks find it more difficult to make...romantic time...for us. I mean before getting pregnant, we were TRYING to get pregnant, so we were 'you know' a lot more. Well duh, we are pregnant now, we don't have to try ALL the time to conceive, we've done that! Yes we still need to have romantic time, and we do, but it's not going to be a nearly every day type thing anymore. I can't control 100% how my labor will go. Of course I can and will be taking classes to familiarize myself with what to semi expect, but I've never felt that pain before. I don't know if it'll go as planned and all natural, I may have to have a c-section if it's what the doctor sees best. These are things I can't control. All I can do is prepare myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. And that's more than enough. If you experience any of this during pregnancy, YOU ARE NORMAL! You are not alone. All women are different, but many of us have these moments of weakness and freak-outs. Embrace them, realize what's happening, and then find a way to overcome. I promise it gets better.
Onto week 23. First off, let me say, thank you for joining me in my journey! I truly appreciate you being here. Second, let me say this whole "baby the size a a fruit thing" doesn't always make sense...How was she the size of a spaghetti squash last week and now the size of a grapefruit at 12 inches? Have you EVER seen a 12 inch grapefruit!? I sure haven't!
How far along: 23
Gender: Little one’s a girl!!!
Weight gained: 13.6 lbs
Inches gained: About 6.5 inches around biggest part of belly
Working Out: Yes! I worked out all but 1 day when my allergies got the best of me. I did gain a bit more weight in one week than I would have liked (2.2 lbs) but need to realize this little one is just making space for herself, and I didn't gain any weight last week, so this is likely what I needed.
Clothing Choices: I purchased 2 shorts and another comfy dress this weekend with Birthday money. It's the dress in the picture above! It’s getting too hot for my maternity jeans, so shorts were really needed as I was running into wearing the same bright colored skirts and patterned dresses multiple days a week.
Stretch marks: Only those from soccer years ago on the thighs.
Belly button: It’s popped, not fully an outty, but you can see it through some shirts now.
Sleep: Not too bad once my allergies stopped being a pain.
Best moment this week: My Birthday was pretty fun. It was great to be able to go to the Zoo with Neal and it makes me look forward to when little girl is here and I can bring her to the zoo as well!
Hardest moment this week: Again, I had a SUPER emotional day. Wednesday was incredibly tough. I felt like I was on a downward spiral and nothing could go correctly.
What I’m missing: Beer. I hate to say that, but it’s the truth. I really want a beer.
Movement: She’s a wiggle worm!!!
Cravings: Fruits of all sorts, I just crave sweets but am able to curb them with fruit.
Queasy or sick: Some more allergies, it got bad on Wednesday and Thursday and then was a little better Friday and continued to get slightly better through the weekend. It’s now Tuesday and I’d say I’m at 90%. I did take Claritin Friday, Saturday and Sunday with my doctor’s permission.
Looking forward to: Seeing my girls at my friend Martha’s wedding this weekend!!!
Strange Dreams: Elevators. They have started to bother me more and more. In a dream I had, I was stuck on an elevator, but not stuck to where it wouldn't open on any floors, just stuck to where it wouldn't go to my floor, floor 4.5. Yes, that’s right, I needed to get off at floor 4.5! First it would only bring me to floor 22, then 4.25 then 4.75, but never floor 4.5. Super random.
Week 23 Workouts
- Wednesday - 1 mile walk in the morning, I would have done more but it was chilly...this also made my allergies come back in full force. Tone It Up Malibooty x 2
- Friday - 20 min HIIT from the Tone It Up Beachbabe DVD
- Saturday - MY 26th BDAY!!! 75 minutes of Power Yoga to start my morning and a 1.75 mile walk around the Zoo!
- Sunday - 2 mile dog walk
- Monday - 2 mile dog walk and 20 minutes of Knocked Up Fitness Prenatal Yoga
- Tuesday - 45 minute Turbo Jam Cardio Party in the AM and then the new Tone It Up Bikini Booty workout along with Sunset Stretch